Tea Party people. To paraphrase Darth Vader: the Stupid is strong in these ones.

Note: I will probably never put up 3 posts in one day again, but I wrote this a couple of days ago, sent it to a couple of friends, and they said I should put it up in a blog.  So here goes.  The context of this is my frustration over the ridiculous flap about President Obama speaking to public schools.

This one's all rant. 

You know, I thought the whole "Obama pals around with domestic terrorists" thing was stupid. I thought that was about as stupid as a certain segment of this country could get. Then that same segment started calling themselves "teabaggers," which was even stupider. I didn't think it could get any stupider than that. Then, they bought into Orly Taitz's fake birth certificate, which was even stupider. Then came the "death panels," which was even stupider than that. Like any member of Congress would actually write something like that into law. "Hmm, now how can I commit career suicide? Oh, I know!! I'll kill Grandma!!" Their next campaign would go south faster than Mark Sanford's jet (think Argentina).

Each time, I thought that this certain segment just couldn't get any stupider - that they'd plumbed the depths of stupidity. That they were on the bottom of the Marianas Trench of stupidity (the Marianas Trench being the deepest spot in the world's oceans). Where could they possibly go down from there? Well, I guess they took a shovel down to the bottom of the trench and started digging with this latest thing. I've heard three jaw-dropping, mind-numbing, shock-inducing stupid assertions about President Obama's speech to students.

1. "The President is speaking out of his jurisdiction!" Really? You mean the office of the President isn't valid on public school grounds? Who knew? If I'd known that, I would have gone into public school teaching eight years ago just so I could threaten George W. Bush with impunity. "Don't like the death threats, W.? Well, UP YOURS! I'm at a SCHOOL!" Honestly, it makes my head hurt when people believe things this stupid. I really shouldn't be surprised. I really shouldn't. After all, these are the same kinds of people that elected Michele Bachmann. And Michele Bachmann is so stupid, that if stupid was gravity, the entire earth would revolve around her. Not that she doesn't think that it doesn't already.

2. "It's illegal to include a lesson plan!" What?!? How is it illegal to include a lesson plan with a speech to students? Name the law that prevents that. Seriously. Name the law that says, "A President, upon speaking to public school children, shall not provide a lesson plan." Find it. FIND IT!! Oh, you know where it probably is? It's on a secret document taped to the weapons of mass destruction. No, wait, wait. It's actually on the back of the Declaration of Independence and Nicholas Cage discovered it! Bunch of idiots. If you think there's a law against a President providing a lesson plan, then you're catastrophically stupid. It's ridiculous on the face of it. Mr President: nuclear codes yes, lesson plan no. Remember, these are the same people who thought warrantless wiretapping was just fine and dandy. George Bush can tap your phone... but Barack Obama can't give out a lesson plan. Holy crap, people. It's like you live in Bizarro World. "Me can have phone tapped! Hooray! But you no give lesson plan to the childrens!! Fourth Amendment bad! Stupid belief good!"

Yep, these are the same people who voted for a woman who believed in a witch exorcist. You know the one I'm talking about. The one who thought the daughter who was boinking under her own roof and got knocked up could be a spokesperson for abstinence. I'm guessing she saw an old bumper sticker from the 60s that said "Killing for peace is like ----ing for chastity" and thought it actually legitimized the war in Iraq. By now you know who it is: Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin is so stupid that if stupidity was velocity, she'd be the only person on earth who could literally travel faster than light. Well, besides Michelle Bachmann. And George W. Bush. Which means this certain segment of people voted for different species of Stupid.

Not to mention that they love Ann Coulter. Ann. Coulter. You know those "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books? Ann Coulter's books are like black lung for the soul. Have you ever seen those pictures of the nice, pink, healthy lung, and then a lifelong smoker's lung? That dark grey, shrunken, filthy, twisted lung? That's Ann Coulter's soul. And some of them fantasize about her! If they actually had the opportunity to fulfill those fantasies, Ann Coulter is so bony she'd eviscerate them with her hipbones. And that face. Why the long face, Ann? Oh yeah, genetics. But I digress.

3. "Barack Obama will indoctrinate our kids!" Ho. Lee. CRAP. One 15 minute speech and he'll indoctrinate your kids for life? In one speech? Kids? You mean the same kids who leave toys in the yard after you've told them not to about a thousand times? The same kids who you have to tell 15 times to take out the trash? The same kids who it took YEARS to teach to not run into the street without looking? Man, if President Obama was that good, he would control the world and everyone would do his bidding without question.

I'll tell you who's indoctrinated here: the parents. What? Don't believe me? Oh, sure, they run two hours each of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck and three hours of Sean Hannity at work every day, and follow that 7-hour blast of horse droppings by watching Hannity, Beck, and O'Reilly every night, but noooooooo, they're not indoctrinated. Why, they're so indoctrinated that I'd bet they'd get mad if a Democrat got on TV and told their kids to study hard. Some of them kept their kids home from school because college dropout Glenn Beck said so. But no, they're not indoctrinated.

These people will adopt any position that comes from right-wing radio. In 2001, when George W. Bush gave people a tax rebate instead of using that money to pay down on the deficit, it was "deficit? No problem!" In 2006, we were spending 200 million a day on the Iraq war. Deficit? No problemo! Rush said it was A-OK! In 2009, Hannity says to worry about the deficit and it's PANIC TIME!! Remember: these are the same people who still think that Iraq was part of 9/11.

And speaking of 9/11, isn't it ironic how New Yorkers were real Americans on 9/11, but a couple of election cycles later, Sarah Palin could get mad applause from her audiences by saying they weren't? Isn't it ironic how the same people who hold up all those signs about hating government probably have a FDNY t-shirt or cap at home? You know, the Fire Department of New York.  Socialized firefighting.  But then again, these are our Glenn Beck fans: the same ones who holler about keeping the government out of their Medicare.

And Glenn Beck is stupid. Seriously. He's a moron. Well, either that, or he's a smart, soulless piece of garbage who takes advantage of peoples' stupidity or, alternatively, prejudices. I used to tend towards the latter, but after seeing him on a chalkboard, I'm leaning more towards stupid, along with the rest of the "oligarhy."  Mendacious and greedy, but also stupid.

But now I've gone far afield. There are just too many branches on the right-wing stupid tree to not get tangled up at times. Honestly, there don't seem to be limits to the stupidity. If stupidity was a power source, we could sell so much electricity from these people to China that they'd erase our national debt in six months. I'm pretty sure it doesn't get stupider than protesting a speech by the President to schoolchildren telling them to work hard and study hard. But I've underestimated this segment of right-wingers before. They are the idiot savants of stupid. Or would that be the stupid savants of idiocy?

Bear in mind: not all right-wingers are stupid. But those who aren't sure do climb in bed with stupid quickly - especially if they're making money from it.